Paradox?

I would describe myself as cynical.  I would also describe myself as an optimist.  As a person who lives with depression, I struggle to see any purpose or meaning to life, yet I am quick to see beauty in the small things.  As a person with anxiety, my mind quickly jumps to worst case scenarios, yet I know in my heart that everything will be ok.  Am I a confused, mentally unstable paradox? 

 Perhaps this isn’t so strange.  Perhaps this is what realism is.  After all, we live in a world where people do horrendous things to each other and where people do beautiful, selfless acts every day.   Rain causes food to grow and it washes out towns. Knowledge and technology are used to better people’s lives and to oppress the vulnerable.  We live in the tension of this AND.

Maybe thinking this way isn’t crazy.  Pain and suffering are horrible, but hope rises out of ashes.  This world is a dark place, but there are glimmers of beauty that remind us, “This isn’t all there is.”  God demands justice, AND He sends a redeemer.  In autumn we see aching beauty in decay and we know this isn’t the end.  Spring will come.  There will be resurrection.   We know the ugliness won’t win.  Darkness will give way to light.  Hope will rise one last time. There will be a Resurrection!