Research Project Announcement

As long as Michael and I have been married, we’ve had this ongoing discussion around gender roles, feminism, marriage, and the Bible.  There are so many voices out there, so many opinions on this rather wide and controversial topic.  There are some things we have definitely agreed on, like any extreme is probably not right and your ideology has to work in the real world.  There are also many areas in which we don’t agree 100% with the ideas we were raised with.  The concern now is, are we starting to believe what sounds good to us?  Or are we genuinely finding the truth?  I know that the Christian life is not supposed to be easy.  It is about self-denial and learning to be holy.  I suspect that some of the ideas I like are not in line with the Bible, because I know that as a human it is easier to follow what feels good than what is right. 

For a bit of background, my husband and I were both homeschooled.  We grew up in a fairly conservative church community where it was sort of taken for granted that the husband is the head of the family, that wives are to submit to their husbands, and that children are to obey their parents.  This was definitely not Christian Patriarchy.  However, through the magazines, blogs, and books I read as a child and as a teen, I was exposed to the ideas of the patriarchy movement and was in some ways drawn to it.  By nature I see the world in a black and white way, so the clearly laid out rules and apparent possibility of achieving perfection really appealed to me.  As I became an adult, however, things changed.  For one thing several leaders of the movement have been exposed for sexual misconduct.  For another, I am an independent person who doesn’t like to be told what to do, and for another, I started going to school for child and youth work and realized that patriarchy’s idea of keeping our families pure and unaffected by the world leaves no room for caring for the hurt and broken in society. 

I know patriarchy and complementarianism aren’t the same thing, but I also have found that a lot of people who come out of patriarchy also reject complementarianism.  It’s hard not to be affected by these ideas.  I’ve also always believed or at least absorbed the idea that feminism is a bad thing, that it is destroying families (and thus destroying society) and that it is responsible for the deaths of millions of babies through abortion.  This may be true, but at the same time isn’t feminism responsible for my ability to vote?  And wouldn’t feminism be a good thing for women in countries where in the judicial system a woman's testimony is only worth half of a man’s?

In light of all this, I have embarked on a research project investigating these topics.  This is the purpose statement I am starting out with:

“The purpose of this research paper is to examine the topics of gender roles, the place of women, family structure, etc., including subtopics like modesty, child raising/training, feminism, complementarianism,  egalitarianism, patriarchy, the patriarchal evangelical homeschool movement, dating, courting and so on, in order to form a well-grounded philosophy for my own life and family.  I take as absolute authority the word of God.  Beyond that I hope to examine many sources, taking the good and leaving the bad.”

In the last week or so, I have fallen down a massive rabbit hole of reading blogs written either by people who have left patriarchy or left Christianity all together, or who are stay-at-home daughters or wives.  The problem is remembering to take notes and keep track of sources…

I have a big pile of books I plan to use as well as blogs and websites to look into.  I am also open to suggestions.   In fact, I strongly desire suggestions.  Give me your suggestions!  I’d also like your opinions, provided they are stated respectfully and without the use of profanity. 

*note.  this research project is being undertaken as a hobby/ side interest, not a work project.  It may take me a long time to finish it.

Introverts Date Night Ideas

I was recently inspired by Bailey's post, Every Summer Festival, Ever to write a post on date ideas for introverts.  My husband and I are both introverts.  Here are some of the things we enjoy doing together:

1. Go out for coffee.  There is a large grocery store close to us that sells THE BEST COFFEE EVER in their "ready made foods" section.  We go there occasionally.  If you go there between 8 and 9 pm there are almost no people in the seating section. It is a great place to sit and look out the window.

2. Go for a hike or a walk.  This is great if you enjoy nature (which we do).  You can stop for ice cream first or pack a thermos of hot chocolate to share.

3. Sit on the couch and play endless rounds of the card game Golf or get really competitive over Carcassonne

4. Go to bed early just to hang out. (Not to be intimate [you should be intimate, but that isn't the point of this date idea.])  Play 20 Questions or Truth or Dare, have a pillow fight, tease each other, ask each other about funny/sad/embarrassing childhood memories - you name it.  I always found growing up that the best "talking time" was in bed, where there is nothing else to do and no distractions.  There is something about being tired and laying in bed that seems to loosen inhibitions and make people more talkative. :)

5. Do a puzzle together.

6. Get a couple of puzzle books.  You can race each other to see who can finish their book first.  Our race has been going on for months.  We ripped out the answer sections and stuck them in the closet first, though.  Occasionally we will pick one particular page and race to see who can finish a Sudoku or cryptogram first.

7. Read a book together.  Each week, each of you should read one chapter, and then set aside an evening to go over it together.  This can be a Bible study book to deepen your faith, a marriage/relationship book, or a book on a topic you both are interested in.  To be honest, we haven't done this since we got married, but it still sounds like a good idea to me.

Being introverted means you probably won't be having "Instagram" worthy dates, but that doesn't mean they can't be fun or significant to the two of you!  And after all, that's what matters, isn't it?

Life Lessons Courtesy of Netflix

I love Netflix.  It keeps me sane.  My brain exhausts me on a daily basis so having something to distract it for a while is amazing.  I just love watching people experience drama that doesn't matter and that will invariably be solved in 45 minutes.  That being said, there are some basic common sense lessons that people on TV just don't seem to get.  Here they are:

1) Tell your significant other things before you tell others.  Don’t expect him or her to understand when they hear about something important in your life through the grape vine.

2) Listen before you talk, especially with your kids.

3) Never say, “He or she doesn’t need to know about this.” Inevitably the person will find out and will wonder what else you are keeping from him or her.

4) Never hang out with a member of the opposite sex when you are upset with your significant other.

5) If you tell your kids to do what feels right for them, be consistent.  When they do something wrong or stupid and the only reason they can give is, “I didn’t think.” or “I had good intentions!”  you have to accept that.

6) The people you spend time with will be the people you are close to.  Don’t spend more quality time with your coworkers than with your family if you want to be close to your family.
7) Your ideas are not more important than those of your spouse.  Decide together what is best for your family.  If your spouse seriously disagrees with something you want to do, it's probably wise not to do it.

Do you have any to add?