As long as Michael and I have been married, we’ve had this
ongoing discussion around gender roles, feminism, marriage, and the Bible. There are so many voices out there, so many
opinions on this rather wide and controversial topic. There are some things we have definitely
agreed on, like any extreme is probably not right and your ideology has to work
in the real world. There are also many
areas in which we don’t agree 100% with the ideas we were raised with. The concern now is, are we starting to
believe what sounds good to us? Or are
we genuinely finding the truth? I know
that the Christian life is not supposed to be easy. It is about self-denial and learning to be
holy. I suspect that some of the ideas I
like are not in line with the Bible, because I know that as a human it is
easier to follow what feels good than what is right.
For a bit of background, my husband and I were both
homeschooled. We grew up in a fairly
conservative church community where it was sort of taken for granted that the husband
is the head of the family, that wives are to submit to their husbands, and that
children are to obey their parents. This
was definitely not Christian Patriarchy.
However, through the magazines, blogs, and books I read as a child and
as a teen, I was exposed to the ideas of the patriarchy movement and was in
some ways drawn to it. By nature I see
the world in a black and white way, so the clearly laid out rules and apparent
possibility of achieving perfection really appealed to me. As I became an adult, however, things
changed. For one thing several leaders
of the movement have been exposed for sexual misconduct. For another, I am an independent person who
doesn’t like to be told what to do, and for another, I started going to school
for child and youth work and realized that patriarchy’s idea of keeping our
families pure and unaffected by the world leaves no room for caring for the
hurt and broken in society.
I know patriarchy and complementarianism aren’t the same
thing, but I also have found that a lot of people who come out of patriarchy
also reject complementarianism. It’s
hard not to be affected by these ideas.
I’ve also always believed or at least absorbed the idea that feminism is
a bad thing, that it is destroying families (and thus destroying society) and
that it is responsible for the deaths of millions of babies through
abortion. This may be true, but at the
same time isn’t feminism responsible for my ability to vote? And wouldn’t feminism be a good thing for
women in countries where in the judicial system a woman's testimony is only
worth half of a man’s?
In light of all this, I have embarked on a research project
investigating these topics. This is the
purpose statement I am starting out with:
“The purpose of this
research paper is to examine the topics of gender roles, the place of women,
family structure, etc., including subtopics like modesty, child
raising/training, feminism, complementarianism,
egalitarianism, patriarchy, the patriarchal evangelical homeschool
movement, dating, courting and so on, in order to form a well-grounded
philosophy for my own life and family. I
take as absolute authority the word of God.
Beyond that I hope to examine many sources, taking the good and leaving
the bad.”
In the last week or so, I have fallen down a massive rabbit
hole of reading blogs written either by people who have left patriarchy or left
Christianity all together, or who are stay-at-home daughters or wives. The problem is remembering to take notes and
keep track of sources…
I have a big pile of books I plan to use as well as blogs
and websites to look into. I am also
open to suggestions. In fact, I strongly desire suggestions. Give me your suggestions! I’d also like your opinions, provided they
are stated respectfully and without the use of profanity.
*note. this research project is being undertaken as a hobby/ side interest, not a work project. It may take me a long time to finish it.
